[DrunkSmurf]

I'm probably the most unsociable member of the forum (outside of work, my only social contacts (outside family) are via email with old friends or with toy collector web forums). So, my problem may be more exagerated than other peoples, but---

Are you your boss/manager's best friend at work? Do you go to all the lunches? Or.... do you get good performance reviews, but realize you're on the outside (hanging a photograph of a trip to a buddhist shrine while working in the heart of the Missouri Bible Belt probably doesn't help me much).

I know what this post is leading to. I'm opening myself up for a:
"Drunksmurf, go out to lunch with your coworkers. Pretend your coworkers are your second family. What's more important, money or pride?"

And, I'm actually friendlier to people at work than I think most of my colleagues are (many of my colleagues are extremely arrogant, and talk to people--politely--but like the person is a child). Just not most friendly to the right people. You know what I mean?

Maybe my problem is being half-ambitious and half-laid back. Maybe the problem is being self-confident enough not to follow my boss around flattering him, but not being self-confident enough to shine like the much idolized "leader" (and most "leaders" I meet at my place seem rather smarmy--manipulative, untrustworthy, and patronizing, but adored by the higher-ups who don't receive the sharp end of the dagger).

It's just so strange at the office. Half the people are naturally competitive, a bit (understandably, I guess) backstabbing, and ruthless. But, they can't leave it at that. They want you to be their friend. I guess it makes them feel more secure? It's an extremely uncomfortable situation. Granted, I've been at places where it was even worse.

I'm growing extremely paranoid--and probably making things worse for myself. I do have friends/colleagues at work, but they tend to be intellectualish / bookish and outsiders themselves who have survived because the politics goes over their head and they don't mind being in the back row.

I guess that's the answer. Do the job and not worry about it. I'm buddhist for christ's sake (pun intended)--so that's what my attitude ought to be.

PS. In case anyone from my work collects smurfs (they don't) and is reading this, my name is actually Antoine Baquette and I live in Quebec and work for the Luxembourg Embassy. Don't tell anyone this, but Luxembourg is planning an invasion of Austria.

[eggie smurf]

I know what this post is leading to. I'm opening myself up for a:
"Drunksmurf, go out to lunch with your coworkers. Pretend your coworkers are your second family. What's more important, money or pride?"

Tim, it actually helps that my coworkers are my actual family (lol) but I'm sure that is not the case with the majority of members here, so it may be better for them to answer this one

[Smurfysmurf]

Hi Tim,
I am definitly no longer my boss' best friend and it shows, as the most interesting assignments now go to a guy who spends a lot of time in her office

I still get interesting work assignments, so I am not complaining too loudly but it does irk me sometimes, too

It's just so strange at the office. Half the people are naturally competitive, a bit (understandably, I guess) backstabbing, and ruthless. But, they can't leave it at that. They want you to be their friend. I guess it makes them feel more secure? It's an extremely uncomfortable situation. Granted, I've been at places where it was even worse.

This is something I have also experienced or actually still experience daily, which makes it a bit hard for me to make good friends at work as I do not know who to trust (and I do believe you should be able to trust a friend ). I do have two or three very good friends at work though, that I do trust very much

This is the attitute I try to take also

I guess that's the answer. Do the job and not worry about it. I'm buddhist for christ's sake (pun intended)--so that's what my attitude ought to be.

although I am not a Buddhist (also for Christ's sake )

P.S. by the way, I do not go to lunch with my coworkers....but with my friends that work in a different unit ....and I do not consider my coworkers my second family...Actually I keep work and personal life pretty much separate....always have for some reason

[ChunkMasterMC]

Well mostly I am my own boss...but on the odd occassion when I am contracted into a situation where I spend more time with other employees I am constantly struggling to not give into the pressure of being part of the clicky groups and socialising outside of work. I prefer to keep work colleagues as just that...and keep the out of work socialising to a minimum.

I avoid all the politics and keep as much as I can to myself and get the job done!!!

[Syd Smurf]

Pretend your coworkers are your second family. What's more important, money or pride?"

Tim, it actually helps that my coworkers are my actual family (lol)

Like Stace my co-workers are all family too as we both work for family companies. However I don't get along with them and if they annoy me at lunch I get really grouchy. Funny enough I spend my lunch break chatting to Stace who is upside down and usually almost ready to go to sleep by then....I just make her hungry late at night while I eat chicken or soemthing yummy for lunch (not allowed to eat fish for lunch anymore for obvious reasons). However the answer is "no" I am definately not best buddies with my co-workers or boss and I am working on moving on to a better and more satisfying job at the moment.

I have worked in popular industries where the competitiveness within the same office can be down right nasty and ruthless too. Everyone seems to think they are God's (or Buddha's of course) gift to something but people like that just bore me really quickly. I have never been good at sucking up and I usually end up at odds with all of my bosses even though I don't deliberately go out of my way to do this.

My worst record is being fired after 4 days. I was working for an alcohol bottle shop and turned up very drunk on my 4th day and was dismissed. I learnt there and then that there is no reward for dedication and research outside of business hours and that I would probably never please any superiors again. If I was my own boss, I would probably end up hating myself too although I would probably still have lunch with myself I guess.

Interesting topic Tim.....sounds like you're the decent guy in that office....I hope that gets appreciated some day

Dyar

[DrunkSmurf]

I made a mistake in the past and was too trusting of people (at work). I've awakened and come clean since Christmas break and am now at battle stations. No emails. No unnecessary correspondence. My boss is acting weird--during the weekly meeting he announced I had a presentation to make. We reached the consensus that no such presentation had been scheduled. (Which will probably only make things worse for me--later that day, he came after me about something else, which I handled easily, probably pissing him off more).

But, it's weird sh*t like that. After some panic at home, I've come to the conclusion they aren't trying to groom me for a firing, so I guess I just need to remain calm, stay as low key as possible, and be prepared to handle any B.S. as diplomatically as possible. Our company is usually flush with opportunities for internal transfers, but there is a hiring glut in the region and no openings (unless I wish to flee to the West Coast--maybe not a bad idea). So, for the moment, I'm trapped.

So, I feel like I'm stranded in the mines of Moria with Balin and company after the Watcher in the Water sealed the back door.

If I listen carefully, I can hear faint drumming from deep in the bowels of the building. But, alas, if I warn anybody, it will only piss them off. Because they are either the orcs, or else very doomed dwarves.

[Bunno Smurf]

Well working in a school we're kinda forced to have lunch with our colleagues every day unless you're on yard duty. I guess that in itself creates a few problems. There aren't many other jobs where everyone has lunch at the same time. Makes it hard to avoid people you don't necessarily like too much. (Does that sound diplomatic enough???)

Theres always some kind of "politics" going on in schools and always little cliches. Every school I've been in has been the same. I just find a crowd I like to hang with and chat to them.

[Syd Smurf]

Theres always some kind of "politics" going on in schools and always little cliches. Every school I've been in has been the same. I just find a crowd I like to hang with and chat to them.

I've always thought that about teachers at schools. There always seem to be something going on behind the scenes that even as a student I picked up on.

Must be tough some days dealing the crap I bet

Dyar

[smurfwish]

My worst record is being fired after 4 days. I was working for an alcohol bottle shop and turned up very drunk on my 4th day and was dismissed. I learnt there and then that there is no reward for dedication and research outside of business hours and that I would probably never please any superiors again. If I was my own boss, I would probably end up hating myself too although I would probably still have lunch with myself I guess.

I was reading this thread in a serious frame of mind, taking into cosideration everyone's views, feelings and opinions and then I read this

As for a boss? I don't have one as I run 2 businesses on my own. Well for one of them I am an 'Independant Consultant' with an up-line director but she really isn't my boss! Being in this position is not such a bad thing but ocassionally I think I would apreciate / benefit from someone to criticise / encourage / praise or reprimand me Maybe one day I will get a 'proper' job

[Syd Smurf]

but ocassionally I think I would apreciate / benefit from someone to criticise / encourage / praise or reprimand me

Being critcised is highly overated Maxine The problem is that with lots of practice you can get really good at being crticised....I sometimes even get credit for other people's mistakes

....I do love walking into the office each morning and watching everyone check their watches

(hey, I don't wear a watch and I like to keep my co-workers guessing )

Dyar

[DrunkSmurf]

Theres always some kind of "politics" going on in schools and always little cliches. Every school I've been in has been the same. I just find a crowd I like to hang with and chat to them.

I've always thought that about teachers at schools. There always seem to be something going on behind the scenes that even as a student I picked up on.

Must be tough some days dealing the crap I bet

Dyar

Can you imagine life in a police state, like East Germany or Russia? I was raised on all that American "be yourself" crap and am struggling to come to terms with life in a corporate police state. Seriously though. Work is a police state. All emails are saved, phone messages can be recorded, and your private conversations are easily overheard or eavesdropped upon. You have to recite slogans ("buzzwords") just like Mao Zedong's cronies, and people only question things in whispers after checking to make sure nobody is around..

[Syd Smurf]

I was speaking to an American on the phone yesterday that lives in Dubai (and wanted me to invest in something...yeah right)...anyway i changed the subject as usual and he said he hates going back tot he US now because it has turned into such a police state since 9/11

Do you guys in the US feel like that about your country?

Dyar

[eggie smurf]

Do you guys in the US feel like that about your country?

Nope, that guy must have been something

I think I would apreciate / benefit from someone to criticise / encourage / praise or reprimand me

I'm pretty good at reprimanding...just contact me if you need some of that (Just ask Dyar LOL!)

[Syd Smurf]

Yes Stace is the reason why i have no confidence and resemble a kicked-in puppy

It's ok...ego is over rated too...not that I would know anymore

Dyar

[attombomb7]

hi Drunken smurf!


I thought that post you wrote was me writing it, I feel the same way,
but my answer to it is I just don't bother going.

I noticed they don't notice or care

and I do the job in much less time. I miss all the parties, lunches,

camping trips even! its mostly cause of the type of job I do I can

probably not be worried. but still its the parties etc I hear about after I

miss them that makes me avoid them more. I find that my co workers

have more of a family at work then they do at home, even the ones that have spouses. bored perhaps?

they celebrate every birthday as well, except mine as I don't show up and we have over 50 people in the office! drives me nuts!

I go to work only if needed, and just don't go in when its not busy.

I would not recommend what I do, but it sure is alot nicer this way.

I STRONGLY believe there is no point being there faking work, if its

dead then why be there. I don't mind working long hours or weekends if

its busy, then I will.

It might be time for you to move to a better place.

I'm in a position where I do not need this job. obviously

they need me more as I am good at what I do. and few people do what I do.

relax and do not feel so quilty. if it was a problem, they would have got rid of you or me long ago.!

its more in my mind then theirs.

[DrunkSmurf]

hi Drunken smurf!

Hey, Attom! Thanks a bunch for the hearty response! As per your comments, I'm putting my resume out. When I find myself complaining more than enjoying, it's time to be proactive and do something.

[DrunkSmurf]

I was speaking to an American on the phone yesterday that lives in Dubai (and wanted me to invest in something...yeah right)...anyway i changed the subject as usual and he said he hates going back tot he US now because it has turned into such a police state since 9/11

Do you guys in the US feel like that about your country?

Dyar

Entering through American customs is turning into a real pain, but I wouldn't call the US a police state. On the other hand, corporate life nearly fits the bill, though the authority ends as soon as you leave the parking lot (with the exception of drug testing, and some more extreme cases of nicotine or overweight testing).

I've been to a real (former?) police state, China, enough times to have some inckling of the difference. Ironicly, Chinese customs is easier to go through than US. Just don't bring a multi-gigabyte memory stick with you. Don't ask why, because the Chinese won't explain. But it's contraband.

[toydreamer]

My worst record is being fired after 4 days. I was working for an alcohol bottle shop and turned up very drunk on my 4th day and was dismissed. I learnt there and then that there is no reward for dedication and research outside of business hours and that I would probably never please any superiors again.

Quality! lol

Interesting post. Sounds like you're on the right path. If you get along with the people at work and it doesn't effect anybody's work, then that should be enough. You don't have to be friends with work mates , but you do need to get along with them.

I'm both my own boss, but some of the time i work with a bunch of others. I'm pretty much the same as you and go to work, get along with everyone there, but can't be arsed being friends with them all. They're all pretty much different to me.

This is now my favorite thread on this forum. Completely unsmurfy, but really interesting.

[Rachel]

Interesting topic Tim.

Are you your bosses best friend at work?

An easy answer would be no!

Although I am friendly with the bosses wife although she is now my new boss too.


It is a long and complicated story but we have recently gone from a work force of about 80 with one manager and everyone else on the same level to now having a whole framework of teamleaders etc. and with it all being new, many of them are throwing their weight around a little. Luckily, like Renee (we have discovered that we are both doing a very similar job) I don't have to spend much time with many of my collegues so I don't have the problem of getting into the politics or the gossip and so when we do meet up, a group of us normally find our way down to the local pub for a spot of lunch - well it would be rude not to.

I agree schools are an awful place for staff room gossip. I try to avoid them at all costs!

Maybe my problem is being half-ambitious and half-laid back. Maybe the problem is being self-confident enough not to follow my boss around flattering him, but not being self-confident enough to shine like the much idolized "leader" (and most "leaders" I meet at my place seem rather smarmy--manipulative, untrustworthy, and patronizing, but adored by the higher-ups who don't receive the sharp end of the dagger).

Tim, I think I could have written exactly the same thing but I know your wording is much better than mine would be.

[ChunkMasterMC]

Luckily, like Renee (we have discovered that we are both doing a very similar job) I don't have to spend much time with many of my collegues so I don't have the problem of getting into the politics or the gossip and so when we do meet up, a group of us normally find our way down to the local pub for a spot of lunch - well it would be rude not to.

I agree schools are an awful place for staff room gossip. I try to avoid them at all costs!

I find it easier on one hand to do the job I do (travelling between various schools) as you avoid all the politics and pecking order stuff that goes on the the staffroom, but on the other hand, it makes it a little harder for me to be recognised by the more permanant teaching staff at school as a "valid" teacher. There is definately an attitude that goes with some staff (not all...there are obviously a heap of great teachers out there who make my job worth while) that the job I do is somewhat unimportant as I'm not in the scene everyday enforcing my status. I laugh when I think about it because if they took what I did away from the school...it would make it alot less inviting for parents to enrol kids there...and then...where would the stuck up teachers be?